On July 1, 2012, John and I celebrated 20 years of marriage, I am truly blessed to be married to such a wonderful man! After being told so many times that we wouldn't last we beat the odds and proved them wrong!
On Monday, July 9, 2012 I found a lump in my right breast by chance, it was not during a self exam, a doctor visit or a mammogram. John said that I probably shouldget it checked out. Anyone who really knows me knows exactly how I said "I will honey". I really didn't put much thought in it, we have a strong history of Fibrocystic breast disease and I had a breast reduction in May 2005. I just assumed that it was either cysts or scar tissue from the reduction.
I decided to go ahead and schedule an appointment (Tuesday) with the nurse practitioner for an exam. She wasn't too concerned because it was painful (cancer usually isn't painful, but I had pushed on it the night before) but wanted to go ahead and schedule a mammogram as a precaution, and that I am 'almost' 40, I will need to have them yearly....so why not start now, right?? I mean I have 3 months before I am actually 40!
On Thursday I went in for the mammogram and they ended up doing a sonogram as well since the lump didn't show up on the mammogram. The radiologist came in and told me that it was suspicious and he didn't care for the way it looked so he wanted to do a biopsy. I could either have it done while I was there or come back for another appointment...might as well do it now so I didn't have to take another day off of work to come back or be in pain two days instead of one. Once the biopsy was finished the tech took it to the lab so he would have the results back tomorrow (Friday). If I didn't hear from him by 2 p.m. I was to call him.
I had complete peace - and I mean complete peace - regardless of the outcome. I didn't sleep well on Thursday night and had so many thoughts going through my mind, as I am sure you can imagine. I woke up too early on Friday morning and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep but knew I needed to get up. As with every morning I get a cup of coffee and go sit on the back patio to enjoy the quiet - and check Facebook and email.
I could feel the Lord's comfort that I was sure to need that day. I checked the phone several times throughout the morning hoping that I didn't miss the call that I was so anxiously waiting for. The next few hours are quite blurry not really knowing what was said, it passed right over my head. At around 12:30 Dr. Van Eaton came into my office and said "So this is where you work" (I work in an office at Comcare in Minneapolis), when I told him yes I didn't think much other than the doctors never come back to our area...how odd. I saw him pull a chair from another room and push it into my office. I only remember that I looked at him and said "It's not good, is it?" and he said no. The next words out of my mouth surprised even me "Well, give me a high 5 since we have an answer". I can only imagine what he was thinking! I feel bad that he even has to tell someone that they have cancer but then when some psycho chic says that he must have been floored Poor guy! The only thing that I actually remember is that he said that the next step was surgery and they would be calling to set up an appointment for me. After that, I am basically at a loss. I don't remember what was said but I listened as if we were talking about the weather and feeling nothing, numb really. I remember walking out of the office and looking at the girls at the front desk...I could hear Stacey and Tasha asking what was wrong, I could hear stress in Stacey's voice, I am not even sure how long I stood there but when I was able to find the words I said "It's positive." I left work early that day and drove to town to tell John that the results came back. I told John, we told the children and then I was on the phone until 10:30 p.m. calling family and friends.
Making it through the weekend
I didn't sleep well on Friday night and Saturday was uneventful, so much that I can't even remember what I did. Went to bed on Saturday and was looking forward to church on Sunday and praying for rest which seemed to escape me for the past few nights. Sunday morning the Lord gave me a song in my heart: This is the day the Lord has made, we shall rejoice and be glad in it! Church was AMAZING! I needed my cup filled so badly and it was now! Once church was over we came home, had lunch and then lil John and I went fishing. Oh how I love the peaceful lake and time with my son - except when he makes absolutely no effort and catches 5 back to back! What's up with that??
Tomorrow would be the day the surgeon would be called and I just wanted to sleep.
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