Meeting with Dr Rupe ~ July 18, 2012

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5

Monday, July 16, 2012. Today the nurse would be calling to make my appointment with the general surgeon.

When I got to work I kept looking at Chelle when I walked by her desk hoping to get a sign from her that she was on the phone with the surgeon. I just want things to happen and happen now, patience is not one of my virtues. I was talking to a coworker when Chelle came up with a note in her hand and instantly looked at the date - 7/16/12 @ 5:15 p.m. It took me a minute for it to register since I really hadn't looked at the calendar to know what the day was. She said "Tami, today is the 16th". I really couldn't believe that I was to see him after work. The day seemed to creep by and I found myself looking at a clock which hands didn't seem to move. I had a sick feeling in my stomach all day but the peace that I had was from the Lord. I knew His arms were wrapped around me and preparing me for the meeting that was just around the corner. I told John that I would just pick him up and we could go together so I didn't have to drive, my stomach was in knots.

When the nurse called us back into the room it was like I was numb again. I said "Baby, I need for you to listen for me because I can't". We met Lynn, the Nurse Navigator from the Tammy Walker Cancer Center, who stayed in the room with us and Dr. Rupe. When he came in my first thought was 'boy, he's a youngin', but Dr. Van Eaton said he was good and I trust him so much so I knew I didn't have to worry. He was so serious, I mean I know I have cancer - I know that it is a very serious disease - but come on fella smile a little...which I finally let him know that it was okay to do. I sure wouldn't want to have to be in their shoes and have to be the bearer of bad news.

I was a bit more attentive than what I was when Dr. Van Eaton was talking to me so I took in some interesting information. I am the first generation with breast cancer in my family I WON THE LOTTERY  and I am under 40 (3 months under remember).

I needed to be tested to see if I carry a particular gene - I missed the part of what the gene is and why I needed it - but I did hear something about it possibly being handed down to Brigette. So of course this was a no brainer, I had to do it for her.
Surgery is my only option at this point, but I have a choice of which of the 3 surgeries I want to pursue - though none of them sounded to appealing.
Lumpectomy: The percentage of it coming back was quite high since I am a first generation plus I would need 38 radiation treatments.
Mastectomy: This had a high percentage for coming back on the other side - back to the first generation thing and that I am under 40, which is still above my understanding.
Bilateral mastectomy (same as above but removing both breasts: This had only a 2% chance of it coming back and I would need to take medication for 5 years - oh well, what's one more pill??
When we got in the car it was quiet - I am the emotional one so I was looking to him for the answer on what would be best. John, the most wonderful man I know and I am so thankful for him (which I am sure that I mentioned before), thought about it for a couple of minutes and said "Shock and Awe Baby, if we're going to do it, do it all." Well that was my answer that I needed from him because I was very torn. The lumpectomy was easy in my mind I would still keep my breast, but then face the chance of the cancer coming back. The bilateral mastectomy wasn't so easy. I saw the pictures of mastectomy patients, their chests look like a shark took a bite of them and I did not want to look like that, but the percentage was so low. So we decided it would be best for me to have the bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction (<-- click to find out more). It's nice to know that I will go in with old ones and come out with new ones! Have to keep it light, you know  In all seriousness, I know that it would be very emotionally draining, much more than what I am already going through.

I will be meeting with Dr. Hendrick on Monday, July 23, 2012 to go over the reconstruction, that will probably be the most exciting part of this adventure!

Yesterday, Tuesday, July 17 I posted this on Facebook:

Had a very hard time getting to sleep last night. Felt like I was watching the days events over and over again then didn't sleep well when I finally did. BUT as I sit here in the calm quiet of the morning with a nice breeze and the birds singing (and of course drinking my first cup of coffee) the Lord gives me a song in my heart...Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face...I know that I have God's loving arms wrapped around me. I am at peace with our decision of the surgery that we chose, though difficult, and that He is in control.
I pray that if you are going through a valley in your life right now that you will turn your eyes upon Jesus and see what I have seen this morning.
Be blessed my friends

Today's post:

Before I even get out of bed this morning the Lord speaks to my heart "Today is Thanksgiving". Personally wanted to add "in July" to put a little humor to it, but that is not what He gave me.

I know He isn't talking about turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie as we have come to think thanksgiving is all about. I am to think of what I am thankful for, oh yes if you have seen any recent pictures you can tell that I love food, but it is deeper than that. And it even goes beyond what I am thankful for but what have I taken for granted. John, my wonderful husband of 20 years and 17 days . He has been there through so many ups and downs in my life and helped me carry the emotional baggage that I brought to this marriage. He has loved me through so much. I am blessed beyond words. My children, Brigette and lil' John. The beautiful babies are gifts from God that so many times I forgot they were. They love me today even as I learned how to be a momma since my example really wasn't. The love that I have for my children isn't even close to what I knew growing up and even today. They have taught me what unconditional love really is. 

I hope that today you will take a few extra minutes today to think about what you have taken for granted. Let those around you know just how much you love them!

I am excited to see what God has for me in the morning!