Is it really for real? ~ July 20, 2012

Some mornings I just flat out think too much. I slept ok last night so I can't say it's from being tired. But it sure is better now than when I am trying to go to sleep.

I guess this is my day of doubt or denial if you want to call it that. And the questions in my mind, good grief.

Is this really cancer? Did they label the specimen wrong? What if the test they did was for another problem and got positive results for that instead of cancer? Did they look at another patients specimen, I mean they are not super human and can make mistakes like anyone else. Basically, are they sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that I really have cancer? I know this may sound weird to some but others will understand completely. I am just gonna tell you that it better be cancer for real and not some boo boo the Dr made or I am gonna be HOT!

Look at all of the posts that I have made about cancer, that I told everyone I know that I have it and they are feeling bad for me! The ones who have cried for me and I try to comfort them because I am pretty much emotionless about the whole thing. And why am I? Is it because I don't really have this serious disease? For the sake of the Dr's and every other medical person out there that has been involved from the testing forward, I am just saying that it better be. Because I aint playin, somebody's but is gonna get their butt chewed and it aint gonna pretty. I will most definitely have a 'few' choice words for them and I can guarantee that it won't be in French, I will make sure that it is clear plain English so they understand exactly what I am saying.

Then I am thinking about the out of pocket money that we will have to come up with to pay for the 'extras' like new boobs. I am pretty nervous about that bill, I'm not going to lie. I know that somehow God will provide it, but seriously!?!? We are looking at all of these Dr visits, tests, 2 surgeons and all of the others that will provide care in the operating room, 3 days in the hospital, and who knows what else we will get slammed with. And I have no idea how much the insurance will actually cover and then if it isn't 'really' cancer and it just ends up looking like I want young, pretty boobs and I am making it all up? It better be for real.

Ok I am venting. I better cool down before I get to work. It's probably best that I have my own office!