Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman. Proverbs 21:19
It was probably a good thing that lil' John spent the night with Brigette and John had blackout drive so he stayed at work. If you read my post from yesterday then you know that this scripture was quite fitting, I woke up in a foul mood. I am not even sure the dogs liked me. I can't explain why, I didn't have a reason, I just was.
It could have started from the paperwork that I filled out the night before. You know, the paperwork that you have to fill out every time you go to a new Dr., but seriously! It was from Dr. Hendrick's office, the one who is doing the reconstruction. They really need to have a packet that is created specifically for cancer patients. Honestly, I figured that since the top of the form says 'Reconstructive Surgery' that it would. What surgical procedure are you interested in - How odd it was for me to actually circle breast enlargement, I certainly never had a need for that before! What specifically would you like to see accomplished from this procedure - Really? Do I even need to answer that considering why I was put into contact with you to begin with? When did you first consider having this surgery - Well actually 4 days ago. Have you discussed this surgery with your family and are they supportive - This is a rhetorical question right? Oh and I have posted it on Facebook for all of my 'friends' to see and on a blog that I started that I really have no idea who is actually reading. Honestly, I don't care who knows or what they think for that matter. This is about a decision that John and I made together. As you can see I was a bit agitated with the paperwork to begin with. Heck, when I meet with them on Monday, I may offer to create one for 'Cancer patients' and certainly won't include ridiculous questions. If cancer is affecting a part of the body that the general public can see when you are at a store, then it should be obvious why they want it done, right?
I am so blessed even in the midst of this trial. I know that God moved me to Comcare in Minneapolis. I am with people in my community, my family. They are genuinely supportive and caring, not because they have to be but they actually want to be. What other work place would be like that? I can't think of one unless you work at one your family owns.
Vicki Jensen, she is my one of my best friends here in Minneapolis, she knows everything there is to know about me, the good, the bad and even the ugly. We vent together, cry together and most importantly laugh together. We are each other's sounding board so to speak. She is so funny, she always says, "You're such a girl", I love her! I felt like I was blindsided but I knew in my mind that I wasn't. I wasn't expecting a call from the nurse to set up the surgery date, I just assumed that I would talk to Dr. Hendrick on Monday and then schedule the surgery at that time. It hit like a tidal wave that I didn't see coming. I missed the call so she left a message only with the date it was scheduled and told me to call her back. I went to Vicki and said "The winds are picking up but I have my life jacket on." She looked at me like she had no idea what I was talking about, but of course she didn't. She was in the middle of something and had no idea that I got 'the' call. I told her the date and then she smiled because she knew what I meant.
The nurse called me back and I headed back to the break room to talk with her. I think the first words out of her mouth was what time it was scheduled for and that's when it hit home. The tear faucet was turned on and wouldn't stop. It's not that I was sad or even upset about it but they just kept coming. I got a paper towel from the auto dispenser, you know the one, that puts out sandpaper. I was trying to wipe my face and gain some sort of composure and what does she say to me, "It's loud and distracting there, can you go somewhere else so I can talk to you?" Stacey was using the microwave and she heard it beep, the paper towel was touching the mouth piece on my phone and then Lisa came back and said something to Stacey. Are you flipping serious?? Loud?? Then Lisa looked at me and told me that Dr. Labes wanted to talk with me. I told her he would have to wait, I was trying to set up this ridiculous surgery. No, I didn't really think of it as ridiculous but that was the nicest thing to say because in my mind was saying other things. The nurse was trying to talk me and complaining about how loud it was, the microwave was beeping, Lisa was talking to Stacey and I was blubbering trying to tell her that it wasn't loud, I could hear her just fine and to just 'keep talking' (not in a kind way I am sure) and then came my sweet friend Vicki - remember I love her - she said "Dr. Labes wants to talk to you about an MRI." Now mind you, I have nothing to do with the nursing aspect of Comcare, only medical records so I knew he could wait - in a good way of course. She said that I needed to talk to Dr. Labes now. She was saying something about it being free, Dr. McFarland had called, and I needed to talk to Dr. Labes now. I had had it! I lost it! I yelled at her "I need 5 minutes, I am trying to set up this damn surgery and the nurse is being rude. I need 5 minutes!" She kept talking, I said "Get the hell out of here and I will talk to him when I am done!" She left the room saying something but I didn't hear her. I told the nurse that I didn't mean to be rude with her and to please tell me what I needed to know because I needed to get off the phone. She said "I can't imagine what you are going through." Shouldn't that have been what she said instead of telling me how loud it was? Where was her compassion then? The Dr's seem to walk on egg shells when telling someone they have cancer so why couldn't she? She knew why she was calling me, it wasn't like I was having knee surgery! It was a bit more serious than that. She said that my check in was at 9:30 and I had to go to Salina Regional (I couldn't go to the Surgical Center because they don't have the radiology equipment and lab that would be needed. That upset me too, we always go to the Surgical Center. It's smaller, comfortable, and quiet). I had to have tests run then Dr. Rupe would begin surgery at 1:30 and then Dr. Hendrick would come in to do his part afterward. ARE YOU SERIOUS! I have to wait for 4 hours before the surgery even starts! Then she tells me the 'important' part, "Don't have anything to eat or drink after midnight" and that is when I quit listening. I have had enough surgeries to know that, good grief!
I got off the phone, composed myself the best that I could and went to Vicki. I knew that I was wrong for yelling and cussing at her and I needed to apologize. After that I went to see Dr. Labes. Then the tears started again, I was just overwhelmed. He let me ramble on and cry and boo hoo so I could calm down. Then he told me...Dr. McFarland called and asked him if I would be interested in having a free MRI. Something about they have so much money to spend on testing - on breast cancer patients I think - and that he was offering that to me. I wasn't sure why me, considering that from what Dr. Rupe said the only reason that I needed an MRI was if I was going to have a lumpectomy. But since I decided to have everything removed there wasn't any point in us having that extra expense that wasn't needed. So I said okay. He said that Dr. McFarland would be calling me shortly to go over the details. Wow! A FREE MRI! Those are not cheap! God blessed me again even after I said what I said and reacted the way I did. I am so thankful that I have a loving Savior! I don't know why the Lord led Dr. McFarland to come to me, but he did and for that I am thankful. Maybe they will see something that was missed or that they couldn't see on the mammogram or sonogram. I might find out, but then again, I might not. I had the MRI at 4 pm. It definitely wasn't the most comfortable either but another friend from Minneapolis, Yvonne Church, was the one who was doing it. God is so good to me even when I deserve it the least.
God has placed so many good friends in my life and it is incomprehensible and I mean so many that are true friends. Ones that offer to do anything that I need, all I have to do is ask. You know, the important things: provide meals for my family because they have spent all day with me at the hospital and are hungry but to exhausted to cook; laundry that is starting to pile up and a house needing cleaned because it just isn't a priority right now. But oh how nice it would be to come home to a meal and a clean house after being in the hospital for three days. But that's where it gets tough for me. We have done everything on our own for so long that 'we can handle it'. In my mind someone shouldn't have to wait for me to ask, they should just know what needs to be done and do it without waiting for me to tell them, especially because I don't want to...but that is just me. I don't want to tell anyone that we have a need, what does that say about my husband and children? That they aren't capable of taking care of things around here? Taking care of me? That is the last thing that want people to think. But then I get a text from another bestie, Michelle Kiefer, that was like a wake up call. She said, "I am not one of those people that will be in your face and you have other friends that are like that too. They want to help because they care about you and your family but don't want to come in and take over, because that is just them." Much unlike me, I am the type that jumps in and just does and thinks about it later. And let me assure you that it is NOT for recognition because I would rather no one knew what I was doing. I believe in my heart that is a gift that God gave to me, being a servant to those in need. John says that sometimes I go overboard doing for others and forgetting about the needs at home. Unfortunately, he is right. My friend from grade school, yes grade school, is coming to be with me the day of the surgery, Jennifer Ingram Renollet. Honestly, I was floored. From going to a school of 300 or so to a class of 350+ we found new friends. Looking back we put each other on the back burner, as I am sure many do. God put us back in contact over the wonderful Facebook and have talked several times. She told me that I needed to quit being stubborn because she was coming and that she wanted to see me before I checked in. Wow! I know that is God providing a rekindled friendship after all of these years. Michelle really wanted me to see that my pride was getting in the way. Others feel that they are led by God to do and I push them away. I need to accept the blessing that they want to be.
I do have dear friends that I truly love and I am very thankful for them! As Jenn said, quit being stubborn. I am a slow learner but willing to learn. If you want to be there, I will let you.
Be blessed my friends. I love you all.
